Fraying and Weaving

8

2 September 2012 by thaliakr

I don’t know if my life is fraying or I’m weaving seventy-three new threads into the edges.

My little boy, SBJ, has slept overnight at sixteen different addresses in his eight months on the outside. When he was ten weeks old, we put everything but a carload of stuff in storage, and we haven’t had a permanent home since.

It wasn’t in the birthplan, but postnatal depression also became part of our family landscape. It’s been a disorienting, dislocating experience.

The kindness, the hospitality of friends and family has given us an unplanned sabbatical from recognisable life while we get to know SBJ, figure out life as a family of three, and deal with depression as a gift, or intruder, depending on how spiritually mature we’re feeling on the day.

The last three months we’ve been in the UK with my husband’s family, leading a pretty quiet ruralish life, which has left some room for thinking and reading.

I’ve read most of the internet.

One of the reasons I’m now writing here, after years of thinking about blogging, is the need to turn the fraying into weaving. I want to start some integration and reintegration, as I welcome my long-lost brainpower home, finally.

It’s still on the horizon, limping slowly, but it’s in sight. I’ll be killing the fatted (and proverbial, so still ok for vegans, right?) calf any month now.

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8 thoughts on “Fraying and Weaving

  1. Kat says:

    oh I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with things. Having a child can sure turn the universe upside down. You are very lucky to have such a supportive family. I hope things turn around for you soon xxxx

  2. […] my guest blog at Kiwi Families. But since then, life has got predictably more friable. More on that next, I […]

  3. Tim Bulkeley says:

    Being a parent does turn life inside out and shake it, I’m so sorry to hear about the depression, it always seems extra unfair when it’s post natal. I’ll pray for that “spiritual maturity” you mentioned for you as well as healing and/through the joys and pains of parenting :)

  4. Anna S says:

    Thank you for writing this, Thalia. I’m not sure that I can contribute much to your blog in the way of thoughts about parenting. But I can listen, and ponder. And I can certainly plan to visit Welly once you are there!!

  5. Angela says:

    I was going to say I’m glad to hear the old Thalia is on the horizon, but actually I think she will be a new version again – one with an exprience and knowledge that will make her even better. Keep on limping.

  6. […] clicks surprised me. On my first real post here, I mentioned postnatal depression (PND), and linked the term to a useful Kiwi resource website on […]

  7. I had no idea you had struggled – me too. 13 months til D slept through the night for the first time, and having followed on from a difficult pregnancy and an even more difficult birth, it was a seriously hard time. Bless you! Thinking about weaving made me think of this which I had on a card at one time, and remember reading out at school assembly when I was a 6th former – still love the words: http://et1969.wordpress.com/2009/09/12/gods-tapestry/

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